I’ve dabbled a lot with the idea of resurrecting this space. I used to spend a lot of time here, back in the heady days of blogging–when it was pure and fun, before affiliate links wrested control of the narrative and the use of an em dash implied the use of ChatGPT–and the part of me that enjoys a bit of an over-share has always missed it.
But blogging became something else and moved away from writing and towards selling and, outside of coaching and design, I didn’t really want to sell anything. I wanted to YAP! And there didn’t seem to be too much of a market for the die-hard yappers anymore unless I wanted to fire up TikTok and do 17-part storytimes while doing my makeup (I didn’t).
Obviously, I’m here right now. Yapping Typing. I’m not sure why or for how long and I don’t have goals as lofty as publishing every day…but the words have been bubbling up and I’ve got this real estate, so…let’s go?
I’m going to cheat a little bit and publish something that I wrote a few years ago. Imposter syndrome has been coming up a lot recently: as I guide a cohort of artists through the journey of building a sustainable business practice, as I try to convince myself that I belong, that I’m good at the things I do. I shared this post with them to help them and ended up helping myself to confront what has turned out to be a rather crippling case of the yips. So I’ll share it here, with a few slight amends, in case it helps someone else.
📣 LET’S TALK ABOUT IMPOSTER SYNDROME 📣
I was honoured to be asked to be on a panel at NatWest today celebrating Women in Business alongside some INCREDIBLY talented and accomplished women.
Inevitably, there was a question about imposter syndrome.
I, maybe a little forcefully, said, “You cannot morning-routine your way out of imposter syndrome. That’s not how it works.”
Why? Well. My feelings on imposter syndrome, what it means, what it doesn’t mean, and how to combat it have evolved. One of the things I’ve stopped doing is trying to combat it by brute force. I’ve given this advice in the past, and I understand it’s limited utility, but I don’t do the Superwoman pose in the mirror before a big meeting anymore. I don’t tell myself to “bring the same energy as a mediocre frat boy”.
Too often, advice for women in business boils down to embodying masculine energy and tendencies, COMPLETELY forgetting the fact that most of the time our strengths rest in our vulnerabilities. Why would I want to diminish all the good things about me in service of feeling “good enough”. Instead of trying to white-knuckle our way through our doubts, fears, and insecurities, maybe ask the better question: Not, “Am I good/smart/experienced/whatever enough?” but, “Who told me that?”
“You’re not qualified for that job listing.” Who told you that? The person who sent it to you, encouraging you to apply? Probably not.
“You don’t deserve the raise you want to ask for.” Who told you that? Does the evidence back it up? (It doesn’t – I told you that.) Did the person who lowballed you in salary negotiations do it because you’re not worth more OR is that just their job?
“You can’t put yourself forward to speak at a big event in your industry, nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” Who, seriously, WHO told you that? Anyone?
Just you?
Bad managers?
Systems reliant on bias and nepotism?
Your grandpa who was able to go to college for 45 cents and had job security at the same company for 52 years?
I bet if you look back at all you’ve done, the story looks a lot different than you being not worthy of recognition, fair compensation, and advancement. I think that interrogating the source why we feel like we’ve snuck in the back door and are hoping that nobody notices that we don’t belong moves away from Manic Pixie Boss Babe shit to…actually and sustainably advocating for yourself. To taking up space.
I’d like to encourage you to be very particular about the stories you believe about yourself. Where is your evidence coming from? How can you challenge (and BELIEVE) more accurate, positive stories about yourself?
I don’t believe in “fake it till you make it”. You’ve done and/or are doing the work. There’s no faking that. I no longer believe that we should “like a man” to balance out the fear. I say remember who you are, what you’ve done, and work to truly integrate your successes and ambition into your story so that when you face a challenge or opportunity and doubt creeps in and you ask yourself, “Who told you that?” you’re not letting answers like “Nobody, actually” or “society” stop you from taking up space you’ve earned and deserve.